Oh boy

Well.....a lot of things have happened in the last 2 months.
I have a great new job, finally! I absolutely love it. Actually,
I'd rather be at work than at home these days. Does that
tell you anything?? lol
J is nice, but she tends to direct everything I do. I feel like
I'm living at home again, with my parents. I even get blamed
for things I didn't do! What fun!
The latest drama....I got food poisoning from her meat loaf.
I should have known better. The frozen chunk of ground beef
sat in the sink ALL day to defrost. It didn't look quite done in
the middle. I ate it anyway. Oh boy. That was Wednesday night,
today is Saturday....I am still feeling the effects. Of course it
couldn't be the meat loaf....because she feels fine! So I guess it
just sucks to be me.
She went to the store yesterday, and last nite I noticed a carton
of half and half sitting on a utility shelf in the garage, like she had
forgotten to put it in the fridge. This morning, she used it to make
chilies relleños for a thing she's going to tonite. With her co-workers.
I hope they have more than one bathroom......
Looks like she is going to buy a mobile home and move this year.
Not a problem with me...I'm already tired of being under a microscope
all the time. I am not allowed to have any food or drink in my room,
except water. What am I, a six year old?? Can't leave ANYTHING on
the kitchen counter. If I don't empty the lint filter on the dryer I hear
about it for days. She grills me about my hours at work. She actually
told me that she doesn't want me around on her days off. So I end up
hiding up in my room. Then she gripes I never hang out with her.
She assumed that I would move along with her. Ha. Her new mobile
home has a separate garage...she told me I could live in the garage.
WTF??? I don't want to go with her, wherever she goes. Her cigarette
smoke has become an issue and she doesn't want to hear it. She smokes
outside but opens the door while she's still putting out the cigarette,
and the smoke gets sucked right upstairs into my room. Of course it can't
be HER smoke....she says it's the people from 2 doors down.
Sigh. At least moving again won't be such a huge hassle, because I am down
to hardly any belongings. I've sold stuff I didn't want to sell because she
says my stuff is taking up too much room in her garage. I can barely move
around in my room, there is so much stuff in here. My room is 11 x 11, and
I have: a king size bed, headboard, three dressers, two bookcases, one
bookshelf, a recliner...plus all my computer and TV stuff.
Next time I get my OWN place again.

Is it March already???

Well well well. It's been WEEKS since I updated this!
Shame on me. Sorry but there is not as much drama here
as the last place. Oh there will always be drama....it seems
to follow me everywhere.
I did actually get a phone. 33 days after I moved in. Then I
got a new cordless phone (not a cell phone) but I keep
forgetting to take it downstairs with me, so I spend a bit of
time sprinting upstairs to answer the phone. The dog loves
it and insists on accompanying me up the stairs.
J told me I was weird. I said Thank You.
I'm starting to be sarcastic in return for HER sarcasm. I think
it's getting me brownie points. That and cooking. I don't start
my new job until next Monday so I've made dinner a few times.
Life is settling down. Stay tuned for future drama.

No, life has not gotten dull

I never knew dealing with cable companies could be so
much FUN. Even better is when your landlady gets caught
in the mess too! Happy days!
Actually thought that things were working out with my
phone. J (my current landlady) called the cable company
Saturday to find out what was going on, and guess what...
they had no record of the THIRD install appointment I had
made with them and lost like the first two. I even had the new
phone number and a confirmation number and they said the
number made no sense. I sat there doing a slow burn while
she talked to them, then she starts to set up ANOTHER phone
appointment for me. That's when I said Forget it, I am going to
call AT&T and get my own phone. Not doing this again. So now
I have to wait ANOTHER week (which will make it 25 days without
a phone here). At least it's under my control now.
Maybe.

Cable companies are brain dead

Gee, I thought my crazy life would settle down after
I moved! Ahaha, the joke's on me.

Still 6 more days until I get my own phone. *sigh*
Even after 6 conversations they had it wrong. So I
get to wait again. But my best friend is Queen of
Complaining to the Cable Company, and thanks to her
tips I have so far wrangled free installation AND a free
month's phone service. If I follow her plan, I expect to
soon have a free DVD upgrade, extra channels AND a
free car wash and wax. Well, maybe not that last one.
Free beer would be good.

Things are never simple

Well, at least I have cable TV and internet. But oh boy
did the cable company screw up on the phone.
Somehow instead of a new number for me, they put in
an extension of HER phone in my room.
Even worse, they switched her number from AT&T to
cable...WRONG. She wasn't changing it...she already
had a phone/DSL bundle. Well, not any more. Ack.

So here I sit waiting for the garage door to open so I
can go down and tell her what happened and tell her
that SHE has to call and find out what went wrong.
As far as the cable company is concerned they completed
their (screwed up) work order and left.

Oh boy.

Out of sight but not out of mind

Yes I'm relaxing comfortably at my new place.
No, I do not miss the moldy lemons...the pan...
or HER. My brain has been in a fog all week.

The new place is great. Not easy living in someone
else's house, but I will adapt. My new landlady is
really nice, although I think she thinks I'm crazy.
I still have no phone or internet until Tuesday,
and she doesn't "GET" that I feel like my life is on
hold until then. I mean, what are my friends doing?
Do they miss me? Did any jobs come in? Did I get
any answers to my resume? How are my babies doing?
I usually talk to my dad every day so this is a long week.

Well, I snuck onto somebody else's computer to
update my blog, just so all you faithful followers
will know that I haven't fallen into a well...just a
hole of no contact with the outside world. But
you just wait until TUESDAY.

You have been warned. Ha.

A sigh of relief

Whew, I escaped. That last day was unreal.
We were exchanging keys and I noticed she had very
long very dirty fingernails. And filthy bare feet.
She actually went into my bathroom and tried all the
faucets and shower to make sure I hadn't broken them.
As I was packing up my kitchen stuff, I noticed the bag
of moldy lemons was moved a little...then noticed she
had actually TAKEN OUT A LEMON and USED IT.
ack! ew ew ew ew ptooey.
She hovered over my movers every second. She was cold
and kept the heat blasting, so every time me or the movers
came back inside it was like walking into an oven.
It was such a relief to drive away for the last time.
She offered to give me a referral for "excellent watering."
WTF??????????????
It smelled soooo bad in that house. I can't imagine her
getting anybody to move in there.
I'm still getting organized at my new place. The best part?
I can go to the kitchen and not smell mold or pork chops,
and not have a dog trying to get at me thru the door.
There is a dog at my new place but she is a sweetheart, 14
years old and sleeps most of the time.
So far so good.

It's almost over

I'm moving tomorrow. Awwwwww.
This blog is so much fun.

SHE is acting sweet as pie. This whole thing is so
strange. I keep waiting for the claws to come out
and the demon to emerge again. But no, she's very
polite and quiet. I don't trust her one bit.

My poor roomie is sick, I heard him coughing today.
I can see this will be a real party here after I leave.
It's chilly and damp, and the smell of pork chops
mixed with lemon mold and smelly dog...yum.
People will be lining up to move in here.

I went down to the kitchen earlier, and she'd shut off
every light downstairs. Walking through the dark
living room, I banged into the open dog cage door.
Veering right, I bumped into a walker. Jeez. It's been
a long day, I don't need furniture attacking me.
I navigated safely to the kitchen and rewarded myself
with a couple of beers.

what the heck??

The heat has been blasting and it's 80 in here. It's not
that cold out, she must have turned it up. Maybe she
ran out of pork chops and she's trying to cook me.

Oh no, not the pan again

She washed it but I still see "flavor" stuck to it.
Looks like pork chops tonite. mmmm.

I walked into the kitchen and she said Hi like nothing
is happening. ????

Then she tells me she will be sorry to lose me, that she
and my roomie wouldn't be here without me.

And I'm thinking......this is why you're evicting me???

Makes no sense.

It never rains....

....until I'm moving.

Wrote her a very polite email about what I was doing.
Can't wait to see her reply.

Haven't seen or heard her or the dog today.
The fun starts tomorrow. Oh joy.

btw you should see all the rotten oranges under the
tree, half eaten by the rats.

I think the bag of moldy lemons is getting bigger.
Still haven't seen the pan in days.
She has half eaten plates of food all over the living room.
Yum.

Poor poor doggy

Apparently the dog is really sick, she spent $265 at the
vet and for meds and the dog is worse. She's trying to put
the pills in peanut butter to make him take them. The jar
of peanut butter looks like it's 100 years old.

The poor dog sounds like he's suffocating.
Maybe she fed him some of those ribs and he got sick.

I now have a 3 day notice that mostly makes no sense.
She wants to argue but I'm not playing. Told her I would
be out Monday and had no idea where I was going.

Cough hack cough cough cough.

HA.

The plot thickens ahahaha

Today I owe 2 weeks rent, even tho I'm being evicted.
Went downstairs this morning and she came out
waving a 3 day notice to pay or quit. WTF?? That
has no meaning until my rent is 3 days late. But
that makes it much easier...I'm moving Monday
and she has no idea yet. Ha. That makes it so much
more FUN for me now.

As she waved the paper, asking if I needed more time
or whatever, I leaned against the kitchen counter and
made myself tremble, saying, I don't care what you do,
I've been sick all week, I have a 104 temperature, just
put down whatever you want. I wobbled out of the room
and ran back upstairs...lol. Yes I can act.

I thought I would have to hide the fact I'm moving until
the movers show up Monday morning.....now it's EASY.
Now I can move the small stuff myself to my new place,
with her seeing me load stuff into my car. Of course SHE
will hear that I've rented a storage space and I really don't
know where I will be living but I will do what she wants and
get out. All very polite...and coughing the whole time. HA.

Today the dog is very meek in his crate, barely opened his
eyes when I walked past. Weird.

Pan update: still missing in action.

Rotten lemons update: now a bag of totally black fuzz.
I hope I'm gone before the bag disintegrates. The mold
is gonna infiltrate the whole place. It STINKS in here.

This weekend should be interesting, to say the least!
I'll post as many updates as necessary so you can all
follow along in my adventure.

Cough. Sniffle. Hack. Sneeze.

The dog again

The dog scared the crap out of me this morning.
Went out and got my paper, then walked towards the
kitchen, not noticing that the dog was in his cage. As
I walked past, he erupted into frantic barking as if ten
burglars had broken in. I'd walked past him dozens of
times before with no reaction. So I guess he's taken a
real dislike to me.
Of course she came running out from the other room
yelling What's happening? what's happening? as I said
to the dog, It's only me. He barked louder and I ran
upstairs as she tried to shush him.

Weird burning smell in the house. She was out front talking
to a pastor, I think, and I ran to the kitchen for something
to eat. And there it was....oven door open, burnt pizza in
a pan, burnt stuff all over the bottom of the oven. Ugh.

I think she used the pan again last night (I smelled cooking
but see no pan, nor any signs of it being washed. Ew).

Safe and sound back up here again with no encounters. Whew.
At least she'd put the dog somewhere else.

Whatever

Have not come face to face with her for several days.
This morning she's on the phone with a credit card
company, I think. She spoke sideways towards me and
warned me that Chase Bank is doing illegal things.
First words she's spoken to me in almost a week.
As I went back towards the stairs with soup in hand,
I mumbled something and disappeared.

The pan? Oh yeah the pan. It's now been moved from
the sink counter back onto the stove. This is day......
let me see....DAY 12! I guess she figured out I wasn't
going to wash it and she moved it back. The water she
put it in a week ago should be ripe by now.

The moldy lemons? All I can see is about 8 totally black
lumps inside the plastic grocery bag. They can sit there
forever for all I care. Not touching it.

Thank goodness it's supposed to rain. Everything is
turning brown outside.

BTW, I don't think her friends ever came over for oranges.
I wonder why. Ha.

Gardeners: FAIL

The twice-monthly gardeners have been here and gone,
and all the ivy and bouganvilla she cut off is still in the yard.
I'm sure she expected them to clean it all up. They never had
to clean up what I trimmed...why should they start now?

Surely they were warned in the past not to touch anything,
just mow and sweep. That's why it was such a mess before,
many years of dead debris under overgrown ivy. It looked so
much nicer when I pulled out all the dead stuff, cut it up and
filled the trash bins myself. Two bins a week for months.
Then she cut off all the overhanging ivy and bouganvilla that
covered what was left of the dead stuff. I'm still wondering how
she managed to climb that ladder in her wheelchair.....
Well, now all you see is the dead stuff. Doh.
And the cuttings sit in the yard....

Just wait, somehow this will be MY fault.

For all you pan fans: it's been moved over next to the sink.
At least the lid is on. I think the house will explode when
the lid is lifted off. Not gonna be ME. This is day 10.

The bag of moldy lemons on the kitchen table is getting uglier
and uglier. Not touching that either.

We're all sick of the ribs pan

...but here it is exactly one week later and the pan
is still on the stove. She hasn't been here to use it
for a few days so it's just fermenting. Lid on.
Maybe she's planning soup for later.

Went out last nite, got home a little after midnite.
Unfortunately she had just been dropped off by
someone and was unlocking the front door as I drove
up. Still in the wheelchair, dog on leash, tangling up
with a guitar case and an amp. She got the door open
just as the guitar case fell over onto the dog, and they
clattered into the house. I was in no mood to help
when the dog started barking so I just ran upstairs.
Heard some banging around for a while. I'm sure she
hopped right out of that wheelchair and picked up the
amp and brought it in.

I was looking at the poor poor orange tree yesterday,
absolutely bursting with perfect fruit. I still can't have any
but now there are 24 rotten and half-eaten oranges under
the tree. Must be some really healthy tree rats around here,
with all the vitamin C they're getting.

Everything in the yard is drying out. Her plants are wilted.
The lawn is looking parched. But hey, I can't water. I don't
know how to water. Or weed, sweep and rake. It kills me to
walk around out there and see my months of work dying.
At least I have huge gorgeous pink roses I can smell.
She can't stop me from doing that.....or can she??

Wow, a quiet day

I am sad to say I have nothing good today.
She's been gone with the dog all day.

The pan is still on the stove, tho.

Do not water the yard!

I got a note today to not do any more yard work.
I guess my raking, sweeping, weeding and watering
is lowering her property values or something.

She has gone off with friends to a trade show.....
in a wheelchair...and with the dog, who is wearing a
little fake helper dog uniform.
The only other time I saw her in a wheelchair is when
she left town in September, and when she got back
last week. Apparently she can't be in public without
the wheelchair, although she's just fine climbing onto
the roof, pruning stuff from a ladder, digging up a lawn.
She previously told me that the dog gets the farts on a
plane...I would NOT want to be the flight attendants
who have to deal with her! Or her poor friends today who
have to deal with her, the dog and the wheelchair. But at
least they will get ORANGES!
Ha.

Huh?

"Why didn't you answer when I knocked on your door?"
"I was out taking a walk."
"But your car was out there!"

Poor poor orange tree

I am not allowed to touch the orange tree.
She needs to save the oranges for her friends.
I have killed the tree and there are not any left.
See all those oranges on the ground?

They have all been eaten by tree rats.

I guess the tree rats get first pick.

Ha.

The Pan: Day 4

No clue what's been in here cooking for 4 days.
Something different every day.

Enjoy.

The rib pan lives on

The pan is back on the stove, 4th day in a row.
No idea what's in it now, but it's been in and out
of her fridge since Sunday...has NOT been washed.
The whole house reeks.

I spent a couple hours this morning in the front yard,
raking, watering, weeding, my usual routine. She came
wandering out when I was almost done to complain that
the trash can in the back yard was missing. Yeah....I was
using it out FRONT to clean up.

The dog had been barking on and off while I was out there,
and she told me that he doesn't like the sound of rakes, and
did I happen to have a rake in my hand the other night when
he tried to bite me??? Yeah sure, I had a rake with me in the
kitchen while I was cooking, and I opened the back screen and
attacked the dog. I do it all the time, in fact.

I wish.

Oh yeah, the plumber

In October, a plumber friend of mine unclogged the
kitchen sink here as a favor to me. Took three trips
as there was a big glob of old sponge way down in
the pipe.

He's not too happy I'm being told to leave.
There will be a bill coming in the mail soon. To her.

Let the games begin

I placed a craigslist ad looking for a place to move. It's very
generic. Any bets on HER answering my ad??

She's downstairs with her feet up on the phone talking about
this huge music show she's going to this weekend.

Specifically told me there is no way I am getting out of the
30 day notice. AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

If she's waiting for me to beg, she has a long wait.

This is FUN.

Oh goody, the end is near

As I write this she is writing a 30 day notice for me. YAY!

The only reason she is giving me is that she doesn't want to wait
until my rent is due on the 23rd to see if I will give notice. ?????

I think she's more afraid of the dog getting at me.
It's stronger than she is. Big English bulldog.

I have NEVER received a notice to move my entire life.
My previous landlords will give GLOWING testimony about me.
They didn't want me to go. I have a perfect rental record.

My feeling right now is relief. Ha. I feel sorry for my roomie when I
am gone, he will get the brunt of her griping.

Oh dear......does that mean I have to end this blog when I move???

Oh the smell

Last nite the house smelled funny...went down and there
was the pan of ribs....but the ribs were gone, and in the
DIRTY pan little sausages were sizzling away. Nobody
around. Got my yogurt and RAN back upstairs.

Yesterday I sent her a very nice email telling her that she
probably doesn't realize that her doors wake me up in the
middle of the night. This was before the dog tried to bite me
which resulted in a SECOND email for documentation.

Didn't hear a sound all night. The dog has been snoring in
his crate for over 12 hours.

OMG not the ribs again

Just went downstairs and the pan of ribs is simmering
on the stove again. Same pan....she must have had the
whole thing in the fridge. Ack.

I am on quick microwave-and-leave food mode, and the
dog watched me thru the screen door to the back yard.
Thought I'd run out back....bad idea. I opened the door
and as soon as I put one foot out the dog snapped at me.

I jumped back and yelled Don't you bite me. SHE came
running out and dragged him into her rooms.

It's not too early to have a beer, is it??

Up at 4 am

.....because doors and cabinets are slamming
below me.
She's still eating out of that pan of ribs.
Offered me pork tacos. No thanks.
I snuck out to the back yard yesterday to water
but she heard me and followed me around and
instructed me exactly how to water everything.
She's still complaining about the damn orange tree.
And now there is dog poop everywhere.

Came home from the grocery store last nite and
every counter in the kitchen was covered with the
ingredients for her pork tacos and dirty dishes.
Crap everywhere. I really enjoyed putting my grocery
bags on the floor. Tried to put my stuff away at warp
speed while she kept pushing the damn tacos on me.

Yum.

I hate ribs now

Those damn ribs are now simmering on the stove.
She offered me pork tacos. ew.
The house reeks. The ribs simmer.
Stink and repeat.

ew.

Food poisoning, anybody?

Went downstairs at 12:30 pm. Pan of ribs is
still on the stove. Dog still snoring in his cage.
Groceries still sitting on the filthy carpet.

Ew.

Cold to hot.....and hotter

SOMEBODY (not me) opened an outside door
about 7:30 this morning and left it open.

The heater ran until almost 10 am.
The thermostat is set to 60.
It's in the coldest part of the house.

It's 80 in my room right now.
I don't DARE touch that thermostat.
You do the math. She gets the gas bill.

I smell the ribs

It's 5 am on Sunday morning. She's been banging
around in the kitchen off and on all night.

Wide awake now so I went down to grab my stuff
for coffee and get my paper. There is a pan of cooked
ribs sitting on the stove. Not cooking, just sitting.

Bags of groceries all over the dirty filthy carpet in
the dining room. Next to the EMPTY table. ?????

I'm so glad the paper came earlier today so I don't
have to go downstairs any more! I nudged on the heat
while I was down there. Any bets on how long it stays on?

True or False

1) I moved in here to take care of the place as she said she
would be staying at her other home indefinitely.
FALSE
It's been 4 months and she's back until June.

2) The other guy who lives here is a total recluse and
won't talk to anybody.
FALSE
He's a great guy...he just hides from HER.

3) Her dog (the english bulldog) is a sweetheart and
loves everybody.
FALSE
Only if he's sleeping in his crate.

How many did YOU get right??

She caught up with roomie

He managed to avoid her since Monday, but last
night she was outside his door screaming at the
top of her lungs that she "wants it NOW!"

I'm assuming it was the rent she wanted.

...and so on and so on and so on

I've made it 5 days without blowing my brains out. No guarantee
past the weekend, tho.
I have managed to totally avoid her since Thursday. Yesterday I
took my good silverware out of the drawer (I had offered to share but
when she puts dirty stuff back in, that's the end of THAT). I still
haven't seen my lemon pepper.
Apparently the dog's drugs have worn off. Last nite I was making
dinner for myself and the dog was growling and barking and lunging
against the door trying to get at me.
Got another note this morning....about....wait for it....the ORANGE
TREE! I haven't touched the damn thing since she got home but she's
given me another warning to not pick, prune or otherwise touch the tree.
Suddenly I've lost my taste for oranges.
When I went down for my paper this morning, I nudged the heater
thermostat just until it kicked on (she has it set on 58).
She shut it off again before it even ran 5 minutes. Sigh.

I shook the earth, apparently

We had a 4.5 earthquake on Wednesday night. I kept
waiting for her to come upstairs and blame me for it.

It gets worse

January 7, 2009
(I am laughing as I write this)

So far my poor roomie has managed to avoid her since she's been
back (I warned him!).
I should write a book about this but nobody would believe it. It's so
crazy that I can't even be mad, I have to laugh about it.
Yesterday I found dirty silverware in the drawer. My lemon pepper
has disappeared altogether. She slams the doors in the kitchen directly
below me all night long. My radio and or TV is always too loud. Got yelled
at because I didn't open her important mail AFTER she got back.
She says I killed the hedge and the orange tree because I cleaned out
dead stuff (???????????). She actually raised her voice at me in the back
yard about the damn tree. I just went back in the house.
Whenever I am within earshot, passing her, she complains about:
my roomie, her slow computer, city regulations, the parking situation,
her poor orange tree (which has about a billion oranges on it and is
unbelievably happy), the economy, the fact that I should be "grateful"
to have a place to live here...I’m watering too much...not watering
enough... The next minute she is praising all the work I did while she
was gone and she is so lucky to have me here. WTF??
One slice short of a sandwich, I think. She's not even supposed to
BE here...now she says she may be here until June. ACK!
Told her I should just leave. She says I have to give 30 days notice.
I told her I will let her know what I am going to do when I figure it out.
I am already talking to someone else about house sitting for them.

No more Starbucks goodies for YOU.....lol.

The Landlady from Hell

January 5, 2009

OMG the last two days have been unreal....
My landlady and The Slobbering Blob of Bulldog got home safe and
sound on Monday night. I went downstairs when I heard her and
gave her the Welcome Home song and dance. She was happy to be
back and things were good until the freakin dog decided I was
fascinating and started jumping up on me. Scratched my knee.
She had to drag him out of the room fighting every step of the way.
I guess she had drugged him up pretty good for the long flight and
it was starting to wear off.
Yesterday she was real happy with how the place looked. The dog
stayed as far away from me as possible. Weird.
She was mad at me for trimming dead stuff off the orange tree.
Seriously. She was also mad because I cleared out dead brush under
a hedge. But if that's the worst she can crabass about, I can deal
with it. She made me PROMISE not to trim any more dead stuff......
she insists it all will come back to life. As we walked back to the house,
I caught the dog with my extra shoes in his mouth running around.
I put them up out of reach....totally covered with slobber. Ick.
I had a friend who has access to day-old Starbucks goodies so I put
out some blueberry muffins, etc. She insisted she can't eat that sugary
stuff, all the while cramming muffin in her mouth. I got more stuff last
nite, including sandwiches, so she is thrilled that there is real food in
the house for her. Free.
Last nite she left a thank-you note for me. She admits she's neurotic...
lol... and says she's glad I'm here and kept all my promises to her.
It was a nice note.
This morning I went downstairs and the dog was snoring away in
his crate, which I have never seen him do before...he's usually loose
in the kitchen. It was a nice gesture on her part.
On the other hand, she turned the heat off and it was 55 in my room this morning.