Wow, a quiet day

I am sad to say I have nothing good today.
She's been gone with the dog all day.

The pan is still on the stove, tho.

Do not water the yard!

I got a note today to not do any more yard work.
I guess my raking, sweeping, weeding and watering
is lowering her property values or something.

She has gone off with friends to a trade show.....
in a wheelchair...and with the dog, who is wearing a
little fake helper dog uniform.
The only other time I saw her in a wheelchair is when
she left town in September, and when she got back
last week. Apparently she can't be in public without
the wheelchair, although she's just fine climbing onto
the roof, pruning stuff from a ladder, digging up a lawn.
She previously told me that the dog gets the farts on a
plane...I would NOT want to be the flight attendants
who have to deal with her! Or her poor friends today who
have to deal with her, the dog and the wheelchair. But at
least they will get ORANGES!
Ha.

Huh?

"Why didn't you answer when I knocked on your door?"
"I was out taking a walk."
"But your car was out there!"

Poor poor orange tree

I am not allowed to touch the orange tree.
She needs to save the oranges for her friends.
I have killed the tree and there are not any left.
See all those oranges on the ground?

They have all been eaten by tree rats.

I guess the tree rats get first pick.

Ha.

The Pan: Day 4

No clue what's been in here cooking for 4 days.
Something different every day.

Enjoy.

The rib pan lives on

The pan is back on the stove, 4th day in a row.
No idea what's in it now, but it's been in and out
of her fridge since Sunday...has NOT been washed.
The whole house reeks.

I spent a couple hours this morning in the front yard,
raking, watering, weeding, my usual routine. She came
wandering out when I was almost done to complain that
the trash can in the back yard was missing. Yeah....I was
using it out FRONT to clean up.

The dog had been barking on and off while I was out there,
and she told me that he doesn't like the sound of rakes, and
did I happen to have a rake in my hand the other night when
he tried to bite me??? Yeah sure, I had a rake with me in the
kitchen while I was cooking, and I opened the back screen and
attacked the dog. I do it all the time, in fact.

I wish.

Oh yeah, the plumber

In October, a plumber friend of mine unclogged the
kitchen sink here as a favor to me. Took three trips
as there was a big glob of old sponge way down in
the pipe.

He's not too happy I'm being told to leave.
There will be a bill coming in the mail soon. To her.

Let the games begin

I placed a craigslist ad looking for a place to move. It's very
generic. Any bets on HER answering my ad??

She's downstairs with her feet up on the phone talking about
this huge music show she's going to this weekend.

Specifically told me there is no way I am getting out of the
30 day notice. AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

If she's waiting for me to beg, she has a long wait.

This is FUN.

Oh goody, the end is near

As I write this she is writing a 30 day notice for me. YAY!

The only reason she is giving me is that she doesn't want to wait
until my rent is due on the 23rd to see if I will give notice. ?????

I think she's more afraid of the dog getting at me.
It's stronger than she is. Big English bulldog.

I have NEVER received a notice to move my entire life.
My previous landlords will give GLOWING testimony about me.
They didn't want me to go. I have a perfect rental record.

My feeling right now is relief. Ha. I feel sorry for my roomie when I
am gone, he will get the brunt of her griping.

Oh dear......does that mean I have to end this blog when I move???

Oh the smell

Last nite the house smelled funny...went down and there
was the pan of ribs....but the ribs were gone, and in the
DIRTY pan little sausages were sizzling away. Nobody
around. Got my yogurt and RAN back upstairs.

Yesterday I sent her a very nice email telling her that she
probably doesn't realize that her doors wake me up in the
middle of the night. This was before the dog tried to bite me
which resulted in a SECOND email for documentation.

Didn't hear a sound all night. The dog has been snoring in
his crate for over 12 hours.

OMG not the ribs again

Just went downstairs and the pan of ribs is simmering
on the stove again. Same pan....she must have had the
whole thing in the fridge. Ack.

I am on quick microwave-and-leave food mode, and the
dog watched me thru the screen door to the back yard.
Thought I'd run out back....bad idea. I opened the door
and as soon as I put one foot out the dog snapped at me.

I jumped back and yelled Don't you bite me. SHE came
running out and dragged him into her rooms.

It's not too early to have a beer, is it??

Up at 4 am

.....because doors and cabinets are slamming
below me.
She's still eating out of that pan of ribs.
Offered me pork tacos. No thanks.
I snuck out to the back yard yesterday to water
but she heard me and followed me around and
instructed me exactly how to water everything.
She's still complaining about the damn orange tree.
And now there is dog poop everywhere.

Came home from the grocery store last nite and
every counter in the kitchen was covered with the
ingredients for her pork tacos and dirty dishes.
Crap everywhere. I really enjoyed putting my grocery
bags on the floor. Tried to put my stuff away at warp
speed while she kept pushing the damn tacos on me.

Yum.

I hate ribs now

Those damn ribs are now simmering on the stove.
She offered me pork tacos. ew.
The house reeks. The ribs simmer.
Stink and repeat.

ew.

Food poisoning, anybody?

Went downstairs at 12:30 pm. Pan of ribs is
still on the stove. Dog still snoring in his cage.
Groceries still sitting on the filthy carpet.

Ew.

Cold to hot.....and hotter

SOMEBODY (not me) opened an outside door
about 7:30 this morning and left it open.

The heater ran until almost 10 am.
The thermostat is set to 60.
It's in the coldest part of the house.

It's 80 in my room right now.
I don't DARE touch that thermostat.
You do the math. She gets the gas bill.

I smell the ribs

It's 5 am on Sunday morning. She's been banging
around in the kitchen off and on all night.

Wide awake now so I went down to grab my stuff
for coffee and get my paper. There is a pan of cooked
ribs sitting on the stove. Not cooking, just sitting.

Bags of groceries all over the dirty filthy carpet in
the dining room. Next to the EMPTY table. ?????

I'm so glad the paper came earlier today so I don't
have to go downstairs any more! I nudged on the heat
while I was down there. Any bets on how long it stays on?

True or False

1) I moved in here to take care of the place as she said she
would be staying at her other home indefinitely.
FALSE
It's been 4 months and she's back until June.

2) The other guy who lives here is a total recluse and
won't talk to anybody.
FALSE
He's a great guy...he just hides from HER.

3) Her dog (the english bulldog) is a sweetheart and
loves everybody.
FALSE
Only if he's sleeping in his crate.

How many did YOU get right??

She caught up with roomie

He managed to avoid her since Monday, but last
night she was outside his door screaming at the
top of her lungs that she "wants it NOW!"

I'm assuming it was the rent she wanted.

...and so on and so on and so on

I've made it 5 days without blowing my brains out. No guarantee
past the weekend, tho.
I have managed to totally avoid her since Thursday. Yesterday I
took my good silverware out of the drawer (I had offered to share but
when she puts dirty stuff back in, that's the end of THAT). I still
haven't seen my lemon pepper.
Apparently the dog's drugs have worn off. Last nite I was making
dinner for myself and the dog was growling and barking and lunging
against the door trying to get at me.
Got another note this morning....about....wait for it....the ORANGE
TREE! I haven't touched the damn thing since she got home but she's
given me another warning to not pick, prune or otherwise touch the tree.
Suddenly I've lost my taste for oranges.
When I went down for my paper this morning, I nudged the heater
thermostat just until it kicked on (she has it set on 58).
She shut it off again before it even ran 5 minutes. Sigh.

I shook the earth, apparently

We had a 4.5 earthquake on Wednesday night. I kept
waiting for her to come upstairs and blame me for it.